Why Choose a Celebrant for your Wedding Ceremony
OK so you’ve decided to get married!
CONGRATULATIONS!!!
But now the work starts!
The biggest day of you lives won’t happen by accident: it will take planning and planning and then, when you think everything is there, some more planning. However far you are into it, even if you have only just said yes, you will have a to-do list that seems never ending. I have news for you – it will get longer! There is going to be roller-coaster ride in front of you as you look through social media sites, Pinterest, specialist wedding sites and good, traditional magazines. You will visit wedding fayres, venues and wedding shops and the rest and your head will be spinning with the options on offer. I’m going to give you one more thing to think about – YOUR ceremony. And I emphasis the word your deliberately. The reason you will be there, with all your friends and family around you, is so that they can share with you in the happiest day of your life as you marry the person you want to share your life with. Why would you not want your wedding ceremony to be as personal, as meaningful and as memorable as the rest of the day – it is what the day is all about!
Many couples still believe that the only choice in a wedding ceremony is between a church/religious ceremony and a registrar ceremony be that in the Register Office or approved premises. That is not the case. And not only that but those options also limit where you can have your wedding ceremony – so if you wanted your wedding ceremony to be in your garden at home, in a marquee or on the beach that would not be acceptable. So let’s clarify a couple of things here. I am not by any means anti-church wedding (I used to be a Licensed Lay Minister (Reader) in the Church of England) and if you are regular church goers then that might be the route to take. After all you will, hopefully, have many friends there. But so many couples nowadays say it doesn’t feel right for them. Some often have a faith and are spiritual but do not have a church. And so they go down the route of getting the registrar to come to the venue they have chosen and end up exchanging one off-the-shelf script for another. Registrars have their own limitations with regard to location (approved premises), time (often office hours) content (no religion at all), and music etc. Now Registrars do have a vital role to play in marriage – in performing the legal bit and at this point I must say that, at the moment I, as a Celebrant, cannot do the legal bit in the UK. We are working on this, as is the Law Commission, but in the meantime book in one weekday at the Register Office for a basic registration appointment, take a couple of witnesses along, exchange your vows (about 50 words each) and Hey Presto! you are legally married. Doing it that way round is not so unusual. In France you have get married in the Town Hall before having a religious or symbolic wedding at another venue. Even in this country you don’t register a birth on the day the baby is born or a death on the day a person dies: those dates are just for the legal paperwork. So it can be for a wedding.
This is where choosing a celebrant can make all the difference. As a celebrant I will take time so we get to know each other and carefully create a unique, individual ceremony that reflects your personalities and is everything you imagined it to be.
So, hopefully, you have now chosen to use me as your celebrant and your options, and that list you have started just got longer. But don’t worry I will work through a lot of it with you and make it easy as I can.
Location and Time
You now have the choice to have your wedding ceremony wherever you want and at whatever time you want it. Perhaps you have a venue in mind but it’s not on the approved premises list – no problem. Perhaps you would like it to be in your garden – no problem. Perhaps you would like to have it on a beach (it might be best to check with the local authority) at sunset, and what could be more romantic – no problem. A celebrant led wedding ceremony can take place virtually anywhere and at whatever time you wish.
It’s All About You
When McFly released a song with that title they weren’t singing about your wedding. But that’s what a celebrant led ceremony is about – YOU! Just think if you could have whatever you wanted in your service and not a standard text with your names dropped in at the relevant points. Something which has been specifically written for you. That is precisely what I, as a Celebrant, can give you.
You can write your own VOWS which come from your heart. Great! What better way to start your life together by saying something about how you feel and making your own promises. Or perhaps you prefer not to write your own but want something different from the standard registrar words – no problem. I will work with you to choose something or even write something just for you that expresses just how you feel.
Do all your guests know your LOVE STORY? From where you met to some of the things that have happened on the way to your wedding day. The things that have brought you closer and the things that you really love about your partner (and perhaps those that wind you up). What your parents thought when they first met your partner and perhaps some secrets that you keep from your friends. Working with you, both together and individually, we will write YOUR STORY in a way that you and your guests will never forget
You may feel that you would like to include a PRAYER. You may not be regular attenders at a place of worship but you may have had links in the past. Or there may be people attending who have a faith that you want to feel included – then do it. There are many prayers that you could choose and I will be able to help and guide you in selecting just the right words.
What else do you want to include?
MUSIC is always important, and not just what you will walk down the aisle to as you go in and out but you may have your special song that holds meaning for the two of you. You could have that played during the ceremony. You could even serenade one another or use a singer to provide live music. Perhaps one of your guests is a singer. They would be delighted, privileged and honoured to be a part of your day.
Even if there are no singers amongst your guest list then a why not ask a friend to do a READING. Poets and writers have written millions of words celebrating love and weddings from Bible readings through Shakespeare to, and what could be more appropriate, the Romantic Poets of the 18th Century and on into modern times.
There are also many other little extras, MINI-CEREMONIES, that you can include as well that will make the day extra special to you and memorable to your guests so that it will be talked about for years to come. What do I mean? Well they may be simple things like a certificate signing recognising of the day or Unity Candles which show you are individuals but are a stronger as a couple. It may be something that recognizes the work that your mothers have done in bringing you up and supporting you into your new life, or something which recognizes and includes any children you may have. You could include traditional rites such as the ancient Celtic tradition of hand-fasting or special ceremonies which recognise family connections such as the Breaking of Glass where there is a Jewish tradition or a Tea Ceremony for those with a Far Eastern tradition. Mini-ceremonies may also include a balloon or dove release, chocolate, pebbles (ideal on a beach) and many others. The possibilities are limited only by your ideas!
And what about the PRESENTATION OF THE RINGS. You can have what is known as a ring warming ceremony or they can be blessed on a wand for a spiritual or Wicca blessing. Perhaps you would like your dog to act as ring bearer or an owl to fly down and bring them? – no problem!
And so how do you finish your ceremony? What about a BLESSING! This doesn’t have to be a religious blessing but some words which send you off into your new life together. It might have a little religious content (if you want it to), it might be spiritual or it might pick up on other those other traditions that are in your family histories such as an Irish or Native American blessing.
So it’s up to you! Do you want your wedding ceremony to follow the traditional rules and just be another formal day where your guests put on their posh frocks or do you DARE TO BE DIFFERENT! Check out my website (www.life-celebrant.co.uk), give me a call (07767 073 554) or drop me an email (jeff@life-celebrant.co.uk) and let’s have a chat. I have taken weddings in all corners of the country and as far away as Crete and The Gambia. I look forward to talking to you about the possibilities for yours.
Best Wishes
Jeff Heaton
How to Plan Your perfect Wedding – the beginners guide to getting married. Make sure you order your copy now
