What is Expected of a Bridesmaid?
Most people consider it an honour to be asked to be a bridesmaid at the wedding of a friend or relative but you don’t want to commit yourself without knowing what to expect. Keep in mind that bridesmaids are more than just women who stand next to the bride. The word literally means that you are acting as a maid to the bride. You are there to help her as she prepares to get married and as she ties the knot, and part of your job is to keep the spotlight on her.
While each bride will want something a little bit different from her bridesmaids, StrictlyWeddings.com gives us some general responsibilities you can expect when you agree to take on this important role.
Shop for a wedding dress
Bridesmaids are typically expected to go with the bride to shop for wedding gowns. This could be a one-time event or it could require several appointments. Your job will be to tell the bride how beautiful she looks and give your opinion on the dresses when asked. If you are not asked for your opinion, you should support the bride in whatever she chooses.
Throw a bridal shower
Bridesmaids traditionally have the responsibility of throwing a bridal shower. Typically you will all get together to throw one shower, but you can have more than one if you like. Remember that throwing a party will require another financial commitment from you, although a small shower with the cost split between several bridesmaids should not be too expensive. Sometimes the mothers of the bride and groom will also chip in for the shower.
Plan a hen party
Planning and throwing a hen party will usually fall to the maid of honour, but she may ask you as a bridesmaid to help plan the party and cover some of the cost. It is important to be clear with the MOH about what you can afford before she plans a whole weekend away and hands you a bill for your part.
A hen party doesn’t have to be expensive. It could be as simple as everyone meeting at a bar with each person paying for her own drinks. This applies to everyone except the bride. The MOH or bridesmaids should pay the bride’s expenses at a party of any size.
Remember that the people planning and paying for the parties are in control. This is true of bridal showers, hen parties, and any other wedding-related events. The bride should not dictate anything about these parties, including their size or cost. Her role is to be thankful that her friends are honouring her and contributing to the wedding. Any complaining on her part is the act of a bridezilla.
Attend all parties
Bridesmaids are expected to attend all parties when possible. Obviously, you could miss a bridal shower or the engagement party if you live across the country, but you should be going out of your way to attend when you can. This is not the time to blow off plans because you don’t feel like getting dressed. It is your obligation to be there for the bride at these events, and you should take it seriously.
Buy a dress
It is usual for each bridesmaid to buy her own dress. If the bride has a large wedding budget, she or her family might be buying the bridesmaid dresses, but you can’t depend on that. Go into it with the idea that you will be paying for your own dress unless you hear differently from the bride. If you cannot afford to buy a new dress, speak to the bride about this as soon as possible. She might be able to offer a solution, or it might be best to decline to be in the wedding party.
Sometimes brides will choose a specific dress and ask everyone to buy it and wear it. Even if you hate it, your job is to suck it up and put it on. Sometimes brides are a little more flexible and will allow you to choose your own style in a particular colour.
If your friend the bride is obsessed with details, you may also find that you are responsible for buying certain shoes and accessories. In addition, you may be charged with the responsibility of paying for your own hair and makeup in a style she chooses. These are things you will want to find out before you make a commitment.
Help set up for the wedding
As a bridesmaid, you will be expected to help with anything the bride is doing on her own for the wedding. This can vary dramatically depending on the bride and the wedding itself. Some brides do everything from making favours by hand to baking their own cakes. Other brides leave it all to the professionals. If you are serving a do-it-yourself bride, you may find yourself getting friendly with a glue gun or covered in flour. Take this in stride and have a sense of humour about it. Remember that you are doing this for someone you care about.
Even if the wedding is being catered by professionals, there are sometimes little tasks that need to be done to set up the reception space or area where the ceremony will be held. This could be something like placing ribbons on pews or organizing place cards. These small jobs are traditionally handled by bridesmaids.
Help the bride get dressed
Of course, you want to look your best when you are part of a wedding. After all, those pictures will be around for a long time. However, your main objective as you prepare for a wedding is to help the bride look good. Yes, at that moment she is more important than you are. She will likely need help climbing into her dress, putting on her shoes, and getting herself buttoned up. She might even need you to hold her wine while she takes a sip or even to support her gown as she uses the toilet. This is the not-so-glamourous side of being a bridesmaid.
Be there for emotional moments
Planning a wedding is stressful. The bride is probably worried about what can go wrong and has concerns about things being done in time. After all, she is planning one of the most important days of her life. Add that to the huge realization that she is about to commit to spending her life with one person, and you can see why brides often break down.
Your job is to be there for the bride every time she calls you, no matter how many times she calls you. Let her cry on your shoulder if that’s what she needs to do. Listen intently to her concerns and show compassion even if they don’t seem that important to you.
Agreeing to be a bridesmaid is a commitment, and it should be something you are honestly willing to put time, effort, and money into. If you are not willing or able to give all of this to the role, you should let the bride know that you cannot be in the wedding party. People decline to be a bridesmaid for many reasons, and the bride should not be angry or upset if it’s something you just can’t do.
If you want to be a bridesmaid but are concerned about the expectations, talk to the bride. If you are close enough to her to be in her wedding, you should be comfortable letting her know your limitations. Smart brides will be proactive in letting their bridesmaids know what is ahead. One bride recently went on TikTok to share what she called a letter of transparency to her bridesmaids about her expectations.
Serving as a bridesmaid can be a wonderful experience as long as everyone is on the same page about responsibilities and expectations. Be open and honest with the bride and require the same from her to make this an event that strengthens your friendship and brings you closer together.
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