Things to Consider When Choosing a Maid of Honor
In wedding planning world (a whole different world, indeed), fewer decisions are as guided by obligation as the maid of honour choice. Brides often feel that their maid of honour should be chosen by default. Obviously, it has to be her sister, her oldest friend or that close college bestie whom she once told would be her for-sure MOH someday. The truth is that there is no obligation when choosing a maid of honour. You should pick yours for one reason, and one reason only: because you want to.
With that said, sometimes it’s a tossup. If you’ve got a whole bunch of great girlfriends and you’re not especially connected with one over the other, then you might have a little bit of a tough time choosing. Remember, a maid of honour’s duties are vast, from comforting you when you’re nervous to helping you pick out bridesmaid dresses to providing an extra set of hands when you’re putting together your wedding favors. The best person for the job is someone who will show up ready and willing for all these activities without so much as a groan.
If you’re still not sure who to pick to be your MOH, ask yourself the following questions:
Is she…
Someone You Can Trust? Think about it like this: Your maid of honor is the person who will step into the mix to speak for you when you’re too busy to speak for yourself. Scenario: It’s the morning of the wedding and you’re in the middle of hair and makeup, but your wedding coordinator lets your MOH know that the linens you ordered are actually unavailable. Who would you trust to decide on a backup? Or say you’re wedding dress shopping and you try on something particularly horrendous. Who would tell you the truth? That girl? she’s your MOH.
Someone Who Can Plan? If you’ve ever seen those T-shirts that say, Maid of Honor: I Get S–t Done, then you already know how important it is to pick a bridal party captain who has no problem taking the lead and getting things handled. Your maid of honor must lead the metaphorical herd by organizing the bachelorette party, working with your mom and sister(s) to plan your shower and helping you coordinate the logistics of getting ready on the big day. She needs to be planny, period.
Someone Who Can Host? A good maid of honor has no problem donning her hostess cap and showing her guests a good time. The truth of the matter is that she’ll be the one to orchestrate and host many of the principal wedding-related events, from the grandma-friendly bridal shower to the wild and crazy bachelorette weekend. She has to have good taste in event decor and food and be welcoming and friendly, especially to your friends and family members whom she may not yet know. Oh, and she must be able to handle taking care of simple party tasks, like sending invitations and corralling RSVPs.
Someone Willing to Help? From helping to pick out your bridal shoes and accessories to quite literally busing tables at the end of your shower, the maid of honor is an enthusiastic assistant. She’s a yes gal who loves to do things out of her comfort zone, even if she knows nothing about the subject matter. She’ll lick envelopes, stuff favor bags, price limos and do basically any other menial task that might help you achieve some sanity during the crazy planning process.
Someone Who Supports You? As obvious as it sounds, be sure that you choose a maid of honor who supports your marriage. If your chosen friend isn’t 100 percent gung-ho about your future spouse, the fact of the matter is that she simply won’t be as enthused or as engaged about doing all the most important wedding-related events. Choose someone who loves your future mate as much as she loves you and who believes wholeheartedly in the partnership.
Someone You’re Comfortable With? It’s vital that you’re entirely comfortable with your maid of honor and most of your best bridesmaids. The truth is that you’re going to need someone who’s not shy about helping you go to the bathroom in your wedding dress, wiggle into binding bridal shapewear or shut down the in-law fight that erupts at your engagement party. Make sure your relationship with your MOH is totally broken in and that the two of you can be completely relaxed around each other and honest with one another. Oftentimes, the comfort factor is the thing that gives a sister an extra edge over a friend, and that’s totally OK.
Someone Who Can Play to a Crowd? One of the biggest duties of the maid of honor is, of course, her speech. Though it shouldn’t be your primary consideration when choosing your MOH, it wouldn’t hurt if you picked someone who’s totally comfortable standing up in front of a crowd. Maybe she’s a natural performer or just doesn’t have the same public speaking phobia that plagues many of us. The truth is that picking someone who’s not totally comfortable with the idea of giving a toast may cause you undue stress leading up to the big day.
What to Do if You Can’t Decide
If you can’t decide who to pick to be your maid of honour, let us relieve some of the burden for you with this key revelation: You do not have to do the MOH thing in any other way than your own way. Some ideas to ease your mind: Have more than one! Have none! Make it your gay bestie! Make it your mom! Make it your dad! Make it your brother! Make it your baby sister! Make it your dog! There are zero rules. As long as your honorary companion provides you with the support, love and assistance you need, you can be sure you’ve made a solid decision.
Many thanks to The Dessy Group for this article.
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